These are snippets of conversations that went on during our in service training. I pull them out of anonymity because I believe they are important and reflect what some of our group is going through. I leave the names blank because some of them are personal.
“They don’t get. . . They haven’t gotten that I’m human yet. It’s not in their mind yet that I’m human. I mean, they laughed at me when my friend died. That’s, I know that’s cultural, but come on. I am going to do everything I can. Everything I can to convince my community that I’m human, like them. That’s my project, two years. That’s all I can do now and if I do I’ll work on other things. They really have some problems out there. But if they don’t, I mean if I’m not the guy who can do that. I’ll just sit on their beach and eat their damn fish for two years.”
“We don’t have any quality control in the districts, the coffee, it’s their main export. But when the trucks pick up the bags if our guys so much as open them, look inside- the katana’s come out. You all probably don’t want to hear this but this country is very much ruled by violence.”
“Everybody talks about autonomous capacity building and making sure our work is sustainable. But that’s crap. You can’t build capacity when the people have nothing to eat. When they don’t have cab fare to get their baby to a clinic. These people need a safe, healthy environment and enough money to survive before we can get into that capacity. And anyone who tells you different is wrong.”
“My community has really poor self esteem, is all. They see the places around them improving, getting help. Even The Timorese who come through won’t stay for more than a day. So there is a training, some NGO, and then they pack up and go someplace more interesting. Somewhere they think they can help. And my community is embarrassed by how little they know, how far behind they are. They think it’s their fault and this is just the way they have to live.
1: You’ve got to swear on your mother’s grave you’ll never tell anyone.
2: My mother’s not dead.
3: He’s right. His mothers alive, I had sex with her.
1: I will kill your children.
2: I don’t have any children.
3: But you can see the point he’s making.
2: I’m not even sure I want children.
3: I think that’s wise.
1: Yeah cause if you tell anybody I’m going to find them and I’m going to kill them.
3: He’s going to build a time machine find a future where you have children and off them.
2: Yeah I get it.
3: We best keep the secret.
1: Damn right you should!
“I was playing really hard and it was one of those teams that always lose anyway. These guys are good. So I’m playing and the people are cheering me on and I go for a set and BAM! I wipe out. I mean, I just scrape the dirt with everything I’ve got. But you know, right? They’re all laughing and I’m getting up. And they’re running over still laughing and I’m bleeding and they ask if I’m okay and I wave them off. And they start laughing again. But I’m really bleeding. And I’m standing there thinking, “You will not cry. It’ll just make it worse. Ema Timor la belle Tanis (the people of Timor cannot cry.)”
1: Stop okay! Allow me to enlighten you with my ass wisdom a hemorrhoid is a varicose vein that is avulsed in your ring hole.
2: Ring hole being a medical term.
1: Shut up!
3: So what’s anal fission?
1: There is no such thing as anal Fission.
3: I think he means anal fissures.
1: Shut UP!
2: Ass fishers? You’ve got fish up your butt?
3: Not right now.
1: SHUT UP!
2: I’m pretty sure it’s anal fission.
3: Anal fission would be the crashing together of your ass atoms at near light speed, to crack them open. It would require an ass super collider.
1: You guys just don’t want to learn anything.
3: Anal fusion would be the use of Anal fission to create a cheap sustainable clean energy supply.
2: Not that clean.
1: I’m leaving.
3: You keep saying that, but then you don’t go anywhere.
2: My ass could save the world…
“We were crazed, we saw a pizza hut sign and started running. We were singing love songs to the guy making the pizza. And they set it down in front of us and we were eating it and burning ourselves. We could only eat a couple of pieces. We all got sick. And we were like what are we going to do with all this Pizza? Wear it as a hat? Something…”
“So I get this idea, cause Timorese hair, it’s really strong. And I thought we could cut it and sell it to wig makers, like in America. Nah- China undercut the market. Can’t get a nickel for hair anymore. What, are their starving children more starving than our starving children? Couldn’t we share?”
“ I just sit there. That’s what I do. I sit there and wait and try to talk with people. But that’s got me nothing. Six months of just sitting there. One day I spent ten hours cutting my lawn with these little tiny shears. That’s crazy right? In the middle of it this goat walked up and was all like, “Hey man I’ll eat that grass for you.” And I yelled at it. Because that was my job! It was the only one I had that month. Then I felt bad. That goat was the first thing to talk to me all week. Anyway it’s nuts. I’m just glad it’s not only me.”
“You are standing- I like you too. But you are- fuck it. (pushes her to the ground) You were standing in the fire. That smell, that was your flip-flop burning. Can you hear me? You know what- Can someone keep this girl out of the fire? I’ve done my part.”
1: Any questions?
2: Do you have enough balls to start a soccer league?
1: Balls are a problem I have one ball but we are looking for ways to get new balls.
3: Are you saying you don’t have the balls for this job?
1: No I’ve put in a proposal for the balls, I’m working on the balls.
4: I hear Island Sarah has more balls than you do.
1: She got her balls sent from America. They’re not her balls- are you guys talking about my testicles?
“I give this crazy guy cigarette if he’ll rub my shoulders. He lives in my town, you know, harmless, red teeth and one day he asks me for a cigarette. I’m like first you rub my shoulders then you can have a cigarette. Cause the people in town are forever rubbing up on each other and my shoulders are damned tight. So yeah he got a cigarette. But now whenever he sees me he comes over and starts a-rubbing. I could be standing in line or talking to someone and I’m like, “Woah man, there is a time and a place!” Next time I’m gonna hire me someone less crazy.”
“So here’s what they do. They find a beehive in a tree and they light a fire under it. Then while the bottom of the tree is burning they send up a kid with this bucket, doesn’t matter if the smoke is on the hive or not. And he grabs the honey. But sometimes he’s like, on fire, and he’s getting stung or he falls. So when you want to buy honey you just start looking for this singed and lumpy kid. And I’ve showed them pictures, of bee keepers. But I got three problems. 1: They don’t believe that anyone can keep bees. 2. Even if they did they know I can’t do it. 3. They don’t believe that anyone can teach themselves to do things. They need like an official training and some coffee and crap. So no cruelty free honey for me.”
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